


Rotten Roots

by anewkindofthrill



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post Season 2, Warming Up, mentions of co-dependency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 14:23:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2071638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anewkindofthrill/pseuds/anewkindofthrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The flower of their love has rotten roots, they're walking on barren grounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rotten Roots

When they lie together on the bed, the sheets smell like the fabric softener Amy always used.

Because it is hers.

They lie on Amy's bed because it's their bedroom now, their bungalow, and yet it will be always Amy's. There will be always Philip, who lingers in the now not-so-colourful rooms, sighing and missing and lacking. There will be always the absence of Amy's laughter, of flowers and warmth. Because Amy had always been warm, no matter how cold her skin was.

And yet, they took the bungalow like it was their birth/death right, re-decorated it, made it plainer, but easier to handle. They took the room, made it gloomier, but made it theirs.

The murmurs and whispers you can hear in Amy's bungalow now are far from laughter, but they are _theirs_.

And soon, Philip stops lingering.

"Always" is relative when you're dead.

__________________

Kieren knows there is a reason why there has been Blue Oblivion in Simon's drawer.

There is also a reason why Simon takes him by his hand one night, and why they go together to the nearest stream; almost a river. Only the stars are their witnesses, as Simon walks into the cold water and puts a leather bag out of his coat.

Kieren is sitting at the shore, listening silently to the story Simon tells him while he throws one knife after another into the cleansing, cold water.

Simon stares at Kieren when he finishes, and everyone except Kieren would shy away from the haunted look in those ghost-white eyes.

But Kieren walks into the cold, clear water, too, his calmness reflecting it, and Simon knows Kieren isn't the First and the Last, Kieren and he are the same, but then Kieren undresses Simon's upper body, cups his hands to catch some of the cold, cold water (why do they know that it is cold?). He lets it run over Simon's scar, and it _stings_.

This isn't how a relationship should start. You shouldn't just run and kiss somebody because you're alone and afraid, and because they feel like salvation. You shouldn't start loving somebody unconditionally because you're hurt and think they are an angel.

They don't care, here, in the water, baptizing their love under the stars, unnaturally pale and glowing in the shine of the strange lights above them, lost children who are neither angels nor salvation.

They don't throw away the remnants of the Blue Oblivion.

Remember, angels do not exist. Neither does salvation.

__________________

They find that they cannot forgive.

Everything Simon ever wanted was a family, and yet here they are, watching the three Walkers eat, holding hands under the table, and everything he wants is being alone with Kieren forever.

Because Kieren remembers sitting at this table, being forced to confess a crime he didn't commit by his own parents. He remembers other things, too; not being able to talk to his parents about how alone he was, how much he loved Rick, how much he wished to stop living. He remembers Jem pointing a gun at him, he remembers the fear in his parents' eyes. He remembers forced discussions about Blu-Rays and popcorn and he remembers the brutal honesty of Simon's confession, he remembers Simon looking at him like he is the world, asking him how he feels every day because he really cares about him. He remembers waking up in those strong, cold (why _why_ ) arms this morning.

Kieren rises a second time - from this table, rises and rises higher with the help of the wings only Simon seems to see. Without a word, he leaves, and without a word, Simon follows.

Outside, Simon wraps his oversized coat around them both because he knows Kieren believes the only way to heal is _Simon_.

He wants him to keep believing, because Simon doesn't know anything better than faith.

__________________

The sun is going down and they're sitting in front of the grave. Each of them has brought a flower; only two flowers as a reminder that Rick Macy isn't forgotten. Kieren is silent, looks into the distance, but Simon speaks; Simon tells Rick how wonderful Kieren is, how utterly incredible. He tells Rick that he feels sorry that he has never felt like he could ever fully commit to Kieren because of his oppressive father and this shithole of a village. He promises Rick that he would love Kieren like he deserved it.

Kieren listens to the honest speech, every sentence is sincere and full of venom and disgust.

Simon would never be able to understand how someone could not give up everything for Kieren Walker.

Kieren finds that he doesn't mind, because Kieren started believing Simon's words. Started believing that he deserves to be loved unconditionally, that he deserves to be the focus of someone's life/death.

He crawls onto Simon's lap when Simon is finally finished with his sermon-like speech, his forever-skinny body completely vanishing in layers of too big clothes and long legs and arms and Simon Simon Simon.

This is the day he stops loving Rick Macy and he doesn't even notice.

But what he notices is the cold wind in his hair.

Simon shivers, too.

__________________

The flower of their love has rotten roots, they're walking on barren grounds.

__________________

Kieren's heart beats faster, faster, _faster_ when he feels still cold, but now clammy hands on his body, all over it, kisses and licks and bites devouring him.

Simon wants to absorb the heartbeat, because he doesn't need his own - Kieren's is enough for the two them, although he knows he will get his own one in a few days (Kieren has also started to sweat before it happened).

He buries his face in Kieren's hair and is sure his boy is the source of all life that matters.

Only Kieren and Simon matter.

He wants to suck out a bit of this life to get a life that is both his own and Kieren's. So he sucks.

Kieren makes the most delicious noises as Simon feasts on Kieren's life, licks, sucks, bruises. He gives pleasure, he gives pain, and Kieren is being devoured but wants so much more. He begs, loses his voice, only to find it again for a scream when he comes, gives Simon the life he needs, and Simon _eats_.

__________________

Acceptance and warmth. Smiles and touches. Kieren, golden, rosy, brown-eyed Kieren, and Simon, cold, _still cold_ , with stormy blue-grey eyes and a slightly less white complexion, hate it. It feels wrong from Roartoners.

Only because they need to breathe now.

Their flower still grows strong, the roots are slightly less rotten, and yet they're still walking on barren grounds.

There's still the big gaping hole. Still Philip's grieving.

The bottle of Blue Oblivion. 

Rick Macy's grave.

Kieren's hair got a bit longer, his smile less stiff, and he looks like an angel more than ever, but he isn't one. Simon's back healed, there are more muscles and better-fitting clothes, he's the strongest man _alive_ in Kieren's eyes, but he still isn't salvation.

What _stings_ most is the total shift in his/their parents' behaviour, in Jem's increased hugs and touches. Kieren needs to go, so Simon needs to follow.

__________________

When they are at Roarton train station, Kieren starts to cry.

"What is wrong, love?", Simon asks, his grip on Kieren's hand getting a slightly bit stronger. "You don't want to leave after all?"

"Here, I said goodbye to her... She fled, and she found you, and she brought you to me." Kieren smiles a wet, euphoric smile. "Running away isn't always the worst thing to do."

They are leaving Roarton. A flower cannot just live on water and love; they are looking for fertile grounds.

They kiss when the train arrives.

Kieren has left a note this time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> 1\. This was my first In the Flesh fanfiction, and it's also not beta'd, I hope it wasn't too bad.  
> 2\. Kieren and Simon aren't perfect and have their selfish, grudging sides.  
> 3\. To play with death and life imagery in this context is so much fun, there are so many possibilities to play with words, it was a lot of fun to write.  
> 4\. I really fucking hate Roarton. 
> 
> I'd be super happy to receive some feedback, pretty unsure if my writing fits the fandom etc. :3


End file.
